


my sky's not blue, it's violent rain

by animmortalist



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Back to enemies and then lovers again, Betrayal, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Mutual Pining, Partnership
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:48:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26754589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animmortalist/pseuds/animmortalist
Summary: Bellamy's a spy for Mt. Weather, damning his soul in exchange for keeping Octavia alive.Then his latest assignment to infiltrate Griffin's Laboratories and get close to one Clarke Griffin changes everything. Suddenly, he doesn't have just one person he'd do anything to protect. If only she didn't hate him once she discovers the truth about him. To his utmost surprise though, she agrees to work with him to save his sister and bring down Mt. Weather.Betrayal might keep Bellamy and Clarke apart, but regardless of the lies and whirlwind of emotions, if they're going to succeed, they're in thistogether.*on hiatus*
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43
Collections: The t100 Writers for BLM Initiative





	1. Please Don't Remember Me (For My Crimes)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jeanne94](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeanne94/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies!! I know I have some wips waiting on updates right now, but this fic was prompted to me by the amazing @not-blonde-barbie on tumblr a couple months back and I wanted to start posting this one. It won't be too, _too_ long, so hopefully it's alright. This is basically a spy au that I fell in love with and am so excited to share. 
> 
> In case you didn't know, there's a wonderful initiative going on for t100 fandom called t100fic-for-blm. This fic was prompted and written by me for the initiative. Learn more about us and how to prompt a writer or content creator with our carrd [here](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/).
> 
> Thank you _so_ freaking much to the people who have nominated me for a BFWA. It truly means everything to me. Whether or not you vote for me, please show appreciation for the wonderfully talented people in this community. You can find information about voting [here](https://bellarkeficawards.tumblr.com/post/629284180021411840/voting-details).
> 
> Find the playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/28TNGNgV2A3cBR8gFVFbTC?si=CkZTDbNITUy8a2kVFqlRYA).
> 
> *Chapter title is from 'For My Crimes' by Marissa Nadler* 
> 
> Sending all the love and good thoughts to you 💖💜💙

If someone told nine-year-old Bellamy Blake that in twenty years he’d be a spy, he’d think it was pretty freaking amazing. Probably the best thing, ever, really. Maybe he’d get to see the world and take down bad guys and run covert-ops. The thing about _actually_ being a spy though, was that it fucking sucked. Well, except for the clothes. The clothes were pretty cool. 

When it came down to it, he lied and cheated and used people. In return, these people gave and gave and gave, until it was too late, and he already had gotten what he was directed to from them. He was good at being a spy, which was the worst part, the part that made him question everything, but mostly, his own self-worth. His ability to do _any_ kind of good in the world. Of course, like everyone who’s ever done something bad, he had a reason. Except his reason really did matter. His reason was _everything_ to him, and he knew he’d do much worse things to keep her safe. 

Octavia. 

His little sister who he practically raised. The reason that he did every god forsaken awful thing in his life. She’s twenty-four and pissed off and been trapped inside her entire life. A rare blood disease called Acute Basophils Antigens, or ABA, that kept her cooped up. Unable to go outside for more than a couple hours at a time. Even then, he worried whenever she did, wherever she went, never letting her stray out of eyesight. That something would happen. That she’d _die_. And then everything he’d ever done in his life would be for nothing. He’d be nothing. Without Octavia, there simply wasn’t a point. He didn’t have anyone else, not really. Not anyone he needed to protect. 

When Pike called him in for a new assignment, O grimaced and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Don’t go,” she said.

“O—” he started. They’d been here before. She knew he had to, knew why he had to, she just liked to put up a fight. 

“Just don’t, okay? It’s killing you, doing this. Day after day.” Her face turned stony. “All because I’m a freaking failed mutation.”

“You’re not,” he insisted, voice resolute as he felt. He sat back down and looked at her from across their small kitchen table. “You are not a failed mutation. You have a legit illness, and without the treatments that Mt. Weather provides, you know what will happen.”

Her gaze softened, but then she jutted out her chin, all bravery. “Let it happen then. I don’t care. If it means you being free, then I can accept it.”

Bellamy shook his head. “I will never let that happen, you understand? I don’t care what I have to do. What they do to me. I will do whatever I have to in order to keep you alive.”

Angry tears welled up in her eyes. “I hate this,” she spat.

“I know.” He swallowed. “Me too.”

She reached out and grasped his hand. “One day,” she said, so sure of herself it hurt his chest. “One day they’ll find a cure. A real one. Then you won’t have to work for them anymore. You can be whoever you want. You can be who I know you really are.”

The last thing he wanted was to diminish Octavia’s hope, not only the delicate flame she held for him, but for her and her boyfriend, Lincoln, who also had the disease. They had never even met since he lived a couple states over. Rather, their relationship existed as much of his sister’s world did. Online, through screens, finding connections to others who knew what it was like to go through what she did. 

In good conscience though, he also couldn’t bring himself to encourage her because he believed, even though he didn’t want to, that there would never be a cure. That it simply was never going to happen. Or even if it did, Mt. Weather would find it first and lock it away and make sure no one ever got it without paying a hefty price for it. Not that he wouldn’t be willing to pay it for O and Lincoln. 

Bellamy felt that he would always work for the shadowy agency headed by the Wallace family. Reporting to his chief officer, Charles Pike, who had let the world turn him cold and untrusting. He didn’t want to be like that, but he saw how he could. If he didn’t have his sister. If he didn’t let himself hope, just a fraction, that she might be right about finding a cure one day. About all of it, and finally being able to be the kind of person he could look at in the mirror without flinching. 

When he got to Headquarters, through a bunch of security that Bellamy had scoffed at when he’d first been recruited but now understood was sort of necessary, given their line of business, he saw everyone was buzzing with something. Maybe the new project Pike had mentioned while he was finishing up his last job. Which involved conning a Diplomat’s daughter. Gina Martin. He hated the whole thing. Mostly because he didn’t remember a time when someone had been so deeply kind. So unflinchingly real. 

There was no point in thinking about Gina though, in even considering what could’ve happened between them if they’d met under any other circumstances. His life didn’t allow for such luxuries. Sometimes, even though he hated himself to do it, he had to be cruel. In the ways that most of the people never realized until he was already gone. But he’d seen it in Gina’s eyes, the last time before he disappeared. He’d seen that she knew. Maybe not everything, but damn. Enough. 

He was still remembering that knowing look she’d given him that night when Pike called him into his office. As his Chief Officer, Pike assigned Bellamy to different teams or divisions, tossing him out on any and all projects that suited his skill set. Sometimes, he worked with only a partner, Raven Reyes. A good person, a bright spot in this line of work. Mostly though, he was on his own. He preferred it that way. Less people to damage, less deceit. 

“Another solo mission, which I’m sure you’re thrilled about,” Pike said wryly, like they’re friends. 

They were not friends.

Bellamy grunted in response and looked through the file Pike uploaded on his tablet. Griffin’s Laboratories. Some fancy technology and medical company, way beyond his imagination. He suspected it was beyond his pay grade, too. Why they wanted to assign him there, he couldn’t understand. Then he got to the personnel file. 

Abby Griffin, the head of the company, but it said she mostly ran the board these days and enjoyed spending her time with her grandchild, Madi, and second husband, Marcus Kane, who owned a well-respected security agency that Bellamy knew for a fact Mt. Weather had stolen intel from more than once. 

The real ticket, rather, the real target, was Clarke Griffin. Abby Griffin’s only child. She was the real head of everything these days, though she wasn’t yet thirty. She was popular, well-known. There were a couple of spotlight articles included about her. Bellamy frowned at her perfectly designed ‘candid’ picture. Something like distaste filled his mouth, though, he knew, objectively, she was stunning. 

“What’s the angle?” he asked Pike, feeling that he already knew it.

Pike grinned and pointed a finger at him. “That’s what I like about you, Bellamy. Right to business. No bullshit. Alright,” he took a breath. “We need you to get close to Clarke Griffin, and access her private files. Whatever you need to do, consider your permission granted.”

Bellamy held back the eye roll he desperately wanted to give, knowing he was already pretty much at Mt. Weather’s mercy given they were providing O’s treatments for free. There was no way they’d be able to afford it without him working for them. But seriously, he’d been doing this for years. Of course, that’s what they wanted, and he, unfortunately, was powerless to not follow through. 

“I understand that,” he said, keeping his voice even. “What kind of tech are we after? Or is it the medical research side of things?”

“Both,” Pike said.

“Both?” He frowned. 

“We’re looking to secure every project that’s been completed in the last ten years,” Pike explained. 

This gave Bellamy pause, if it was that important, then surely, they would’ve put a team together. A rarity, he chose to actually speak up about what he thought. 

“If it’s that much information, it might be better if you send me in with someone who has experience with technology or something. Maybe Raven...”

Pike cut him off. “No, Bellamy. This has to be a one-man operation. Griffin’s Laboratories is already paranoid enough as it is. Abby Griffin was tight on security, but it’s nothing compared to how her daughter runs things. We had to pull more than a couple political strings just to get _you_ in. If we risk a whole team, or even just two agents, we might as well kiss this information goodbye.”

Right, he wanted to scoff. Because that would’ve been such a horrible thing. 

“And you want their medical research, in particular, believe me,” Pike told him, there was something in his voice. Almost like taunting, but playing it off as casual.

It practically said all Bellamy needed to hear.

“You mean—” he began, but almost couldn’t finish the words, finding it too good to possibly be true. 

“Yes,” Pike answered. “We have strong intel from an inside source that tells us they have the cure for Octavia’s illness, ABA. Of course, it isn’t patented yet, which we both know could take _years_. Decades, even. So, you understand the severity of this? The importance?”

Bellamy swallowed. He was going to Hell, he knew that, but he nodded anyway. Octavia deserved to have a life, a full one. If he could give that to her, he would do whatever it took. 

“I understand, sir. I won’t let you down.”

Pike nodded and scrolled through his own tablet. “Excellent. Now, let’s go over some logistics…”

He’d certainly done worse things in his life than convince girls who looked like princesses that he liked them. That they were something special to him. He didn’t like it one bit, but he hoped, beyond any sort of real belief, that he wouldn’t ruin Clarke Griffin’s life too much. And if he did, at least he’d be doing it saving O, giving her the life she so desperately craved at last. No more being trapped inside like a prisoner. Maybe she could even finally meet Lincoln in person. At least, for any chance of that, maybe, his damnation would be worth it.

* * *

In order to gain access to the various labs, and really, more importantly, Clarke Griffin and her private, most sealed, files, Mt. Weather put him under as the new head of security. Which was...hilarious, to put it plainly. Whatever political pull Mt. Weather had with the state and local government, and maybe even the federal, when he thought about it, managed to secure the job for him. 

Almost half his team were ex-military or special agents, FBI, CIA, even one he suspected was former MI6. Men and women who were tired of fighting, and so, chose to get a cushy job protecting the tech and medical research that could one day change the world.

Griffin’s Laboratories really didn’t play around, as Pike said. Nearly everything about the labs’ security was to protect their information, as well as the people who worked there. Honestly, it pissed him off a little. If only because they had the cure for Octavia, and they were keeping it from the people who needed it most. All so they could make money off of it. 

Objectively, he understood that medical research took time, and patience, that they probably didn’t want to release the cure for ABA until they knew it was a sure thing. The least he figured they could’ve done is maybe alert people that there was hope. Give them something even if they couldn’t give everything. The more he considered it, the more it made him dislike Clarke and her practices, the way she chose to run the company. He blocked out most of the thoughts, but they lingered, even as he settled into his new position. 

Bellamy didn’t care about changing the world anyway. He just wanted to save his sister.

His first meeting with Clarke Griffin was unremarkable. 

“I’m Dr. Griffin, but you can call me Clarke,” she said, giving him the firmest handshake he’d probably ever received and only the ghost of a smile. 

They went over some protocols, basic stuff, mostly. She seemed to trust her hiring process and didn’t grill him too severely. It made him wonder who Mt. Weather paid off to get him here. It made him want to warn her, as much as he found he didn’t care for her. Not the way she carried herself, back straight, chin up, clear eyes that pierced him and made him squirm a little as she went over even routine information. Maybe not cold, exactly, but as if she knew exactly who she was and how that mattered and why. Like she never had anyone tell her she was anything less than remarkable before. He knew that he certainly was far from remarkable, that this was actually something that served him well in his line of work. Still, he was all too aware of the fact that if he wasn’t forced to find a way for her to acknowledge him in any real way, she probably never would’ve seen past his badge and gun. Past his use. 

Given how he’d known she’d grown up and what he’d read about her in his files, he bet all of that was true. 

So, he realized after that first introduction that this was going to be more tiresome than he’d first imagined. Probably take longer than he’d like, given how anxious he was to finally have a chance of being free of Mt. Weather, to get his hands on the cure for ABA at long last. He told himself that it was going to be better though, in the long-run. Especially if he never cared for her in any real way. Cleaner. Make it easier for both of them to let it all go and move on when the ugly end inevitably came. 

His second meeting with Clarke though, that nearly convinced him that the whole operation was hopeless.

Bellamy wasn’t even sure how things escalated to the extent that they did. All he did know was that Clarke Griffin was the most infuriating person he’d ever encountered. And he dealt with Cage Wallace, his boss’ asshole son who believed he was the one in charge of Bellamy. Clarke might not have as big of an ego, but she’s still on his shit list of people he’d rather not interact with.

One minute, he and Clarke were talking logistics, and the next, he was coming for her and then she went after him, and well...Things devolved from there.

It started because she asked for Miller to work more hours at the lab since Monty Green had apparently hit some kind of breakthrough. Bellamy had learned not to ask what that was in his short time working there. Even if he asked, he was positive Clarke wouldn’t tell him. He was too new, and even though she seemed to accept his presence, he knew she didn’t actually trust him. 

“I need at least six more hours a week,” she explained. “Everyone’s been breathing down Monty’s back about this project. Hopefully, Miller will be able to get him and everyone else to relax a bit.”

“You want me to ask him?” Bellamy asked, even though he already knew the answer to that.

She just looked at him for a moment, seemingly deciding something. “Well, you are the head of security.”

He nods. “Alright.” 

He told himself not to say anything. That it wasn’t going to do any good, but he hated the way she stared at him. Like his question wasn’t even worth her time. He was starting to think maybe _no one_ was worth her time. It was infuriating and more than just wounded his own pride. While he wasn’t meant to care about the people under his command, he couldn’t help but want to defend them. 

“Miller’s probably the best person on your team,” he said before he could stop himself. “You should consider giving him a promotion.” He couldn’t help but add, “Or, at least, pay him a bit more considering all the work he does around here.”

Clarke, who was looking through some files on her tablet, paused and snapped her head up at him. Her eyes narrowed and he felt only minimally guilty for having spoken up. 

“What is that meant to mean?” she demands. “Do you think I don’t care about my employees enough? Because if you do, I’d prefer if you came right out and said it instead of making snide comments that only allude to it.”

He had to admit, he was sort of shocked by her blatant disregard for professionalism. Or maybe that had already been abandoned after his comment. Regardless, her tone set him off even though he knew he should’ve been restraining himself. If he got himself fired, Pike would end him, and he could kiss curing O goodbye. He just couldn’t help himself when it came to fighting with Clarke though.

“Well, if you’re going to be putting words into my mouth you might as well commit to them fully,” he shot back. “I never said you don’t _care_ , I merely suggested that you acknowledge the great work Miller’s been doing for you. For years, I might add.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “What makes you think I haven’t already discussed the matter with Nathan Miller myself.”

He hated the way she was talking to him. Like he wasn’t smart enough to keep up. Well, screw her. He wanted to let her know she could shove her elitist attitude up her ass. As much as he wanted, he understood he couldn’t say those things. Instead, he shrugged. Which, granted, might’ve pissed her off even more.

“You have made it blatantly clear I don’t know you,” he got out. “Nor do you seem to have plans to let me, so excuse me if I feel the need to stick up for someone under my watch. Someone who risks their life for you and your precious ‘breakthroughs’.”

She paled at that, and he knew he hit a nerve. 

“You have no right to judge me when you know nothing about me or how I run my company,” she almost seethed. 

He knew he was dancing along an edge that he wasn’t sure he could come back from but found he couldn’t care at that moment. It felt far too satisfying to fight with Clarke. If only because he couldn’t remember a time he actually got to be upfront with someone. Where he got to say what he wanted and how he truly felt about the people above him. He held everything about Mt. Weather inside, and the only reprieve he got from the years of pain and sacrifice was an argument with someone he was supposed to convince to let him intimately into her life. 

“It’s you who’s gotten defensive, perhaps for good reason,” he said. “I was just questioning your practices. Perhaps if you didn’t feel the need to immediately attack _me_ for simply defending someone who I’m meant to help protect while putting him into the line of fire for people like _you_ then you’d understand that.”

“I am not defensive,” she insisted, even though he suspected she knew as much as he did that it was bull. “And in case it has escaped you while doing this job, I take security _very_ seriously. I want nothing but to protect the people who work here.”

“The important ones, maybe,” he spat out, finding himself unable to start now that he had started. “The ones who bring in your money. The rest of us? We might as well be collateral. Just waiting to get themselves screwed over so you and your researchers can keep the cash flowing.”

Bellamy didn’t realize how close they’d gotten to one another. She matched him to where he’d strode over to her desk. To her credit, Clarke didn’t even flinch or appear as if she’d back down for a second. In fact, he was pretty sure this was the most intense and mutually matched argument he’d had with someone who wasn’t O. Even then, he and his sister never got quite like _this_. There was something entirely different about his fight with Clarke. Like electricity buzzing through the air. Or gasoline being poured around the room, ready to engulf the whole lab.

She jutted out her chin and there was rage burning bright in her eyes. He was sure his own matched hers exactly. If not more. But then again, when her nostrils flared a little he wondered if he had that part wrong. It seemed that they were matched only when it came to their anger for each other. 

Before he could do anything else though, they were interrupted by the door to her office banging open.

“Clarke!” a voice came from the doorway.

Bellamy turned and saw a young girl there, along with Jasper Jordan and Monty Green, two of Clarke’s top researchers but ridiculous individuals (and though Bellamy didn’t want to admit it, were also equally endearing). He recognized her immediately. Madi Griffin. Clarke’s adopted daughter who she started fostering shortly after her fiancé Lexa Woods passed away. The file didn’t say how she died, just that Clarke decided to foster after she did. Bellamy knew it was part of his mission to get close to Clarke enough that she felt comfortable revealing that kind of thing. But given how their interaction was going, he thought that was about as likely as Hell freezing over.

Monty coughed and Jasper looked a bit shocked at the two of them, still glaring at one another. 

“Sorry, Clarke,” Jasper said. “Tried to stop her but you know how the munchkin is.”

Madi rolled her eyes. “I wanted to meet the new head of security anyway.” Her eyes landed on Bellamy. “I figure it must be you. Good luck. The last one only managed to stick around for a couple of months.”

Clarke turned from Bellamy and he watched as her expression changed in stark contrast when she looked to Madi. “I was in a meeting, Madi.” She shook her head and grinned. “And you hated Diana Sydney.”

Madi simply shrugged. “Well, it seems like _you_ hate this one, given the blowout you two were having.” She nodded to Bellamy and then went back to speaking to Clarke. “No offense, but you should invest in some thicker doors. We heard, like, everything.”

Bellamy squirmed a bit on his feet at that. The last thing he wanted was to also make Madi hate him. He didn’t know much from the files on Clarke, but he understood that if she did, there would be no making things up with her. Madi was the most important person in her life, and he knew he had to earn her trust as much as Clarke’s if he was going to get the information that he desperately needed. 

“I’m sorry about that,” Bellamy cleared his throat. He looked briefly at Clarke before back at Madi. “It was a lively discussion though, not a fight.”

Madi didn’t buy it, which made him bite his cheek to keep himself from laughing. “Seriously? That’s the best you got, Bellamy Blake?” She smirked at Clarke. “I thought you said he was the smartest security head you’d met in years.”

Bellamy looked a little too delighted at Clarke. Maybe he wasn’t as hopeless as he thought. Or, at least, he hadn’t been, until he went and fucked it all up by starting a fight with her.

She waved a hand and stuttered out to him, “It was before I realized how stubborn you are.”

“Sure,” he said, smug.

Which made her glower at him, but he couldn’t wipe the look off his face. 

Madi cleared her throat loudly and Clarke and Bellamy looked away from each other and back at her. “Not that this isn’t vastly entertaining, but can I talk to Clarke?” Madi asked. “It’s about school stuff, so really, not anything that will give you a chance to fight with her more.” 

Bellamy snorted. “No problem.” He turned to Clarke. “I’m telling Miller he’s getting a raise.”

She steeled her eyes and pressed her lips together. “Very well. But we’re having a meeting tomorrow about this...Situation. Got it?”

He grimaced. Really, he was lucky she had the decency to not throw him out on his ass right then and there. He was guessing it had a lot to do with the fact that before he’d messed it all up, she had respected him. And maybe Madi thought he might not be as terrible as their previous head of security. He clung onto those two possibilities as the only hope he had. 

“Got it.” He nodded. “And for what it’s worth, thank you. For Miller.” 

She bit her lip and seemed like she wanted to say more. Instead, though, she just returned his slight smile with one of her own. “Tomorrow, okay?”

* * *

Once he closed the door behind him, Monty clapped him on the shoulder. 

“It was nice knowing you,” he said.

Jasper shook his head and dismissed it though. “Please. Did you see Clarke’s face before we left? No way does she fire him.”

Monty rolled his eyes and then cut a look at Bellamy. “No offense, but we did, indeed, hear almost that whole thing. I gotta say, I don’t know how you survive this one.”

Bellamy swallowed thickly. “Fuck,” he said, only losing it because he realized Monty definitely had a point. She probably just didn’t want to ring him out in front of her kid. Maybe she wanted to use some colorful language. He honestly didn’t know if he could blame her, even though he felt justified in his argument. 

Jasper had hope though. More than Bellamy thought was probably good for either one of them to have, but he appreciated it regardless. 

“Look,” he said. “Clarke’s had worse run-ins. Besides, I’ve seen her to talk to people she hates and plans to fire, and people she respects but is gonna fight like hell with. Trust me, you’re the second.”

Bellamy shook his head, unsure and not ready to believe him, as much as needed to, as much as he was desperate to save Octavia and get away from Mt. Weather for good. 

Monty shrugged. “Maybe Jasper’s got a point. If Clarke really wanted you out, you’d be gone by now.”

He still wasn’t convinced, but allowed the guys to take him out for a drink after work anyway. If only because free booze was appreciated and it really had been a shit day at work. Both as Head of Security at Griffin’s Laboratories and a spy for Mt. Weather. 

As he drank his beer, he thought how if things went to plan, he’d betray not just Clarke, but Monty and Jasper, too. Miller as well. Everyone he’d come into contact with. It made him drain his beer faster than he normally would’ve. He knew he couldn’t go back though. Not when he was so close to saving Octavia. 

So, he’d do whatever it took to get close to Clarke. Whether that included swallowing his pride or groveling, he didn’t care. Even if it meant hurting her, even if it meant hurting himself even more. None of that mattered. Not when it came to saving the person he’d sacrificed everything for his whole life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading ❤︎
> 
> find me on tumblr (@animmortalist)


	2. Guess I Overdid It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies. I know it's been forever since I updated this one, but this chapter shows the development of Clarke and Bellamy's relationship and ends on a cliffhanger. 
> 
> There's an important initiative going on for t100 fandom called t100fic-for-blm, in which you prompt a content creator in exchange for donation or another non-monetary aid to the movement. Learn more about us with our carrd [here](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/). And as someone accepting prompts, I am accepting only WIP updates at this time. 
> 
> Note: This fic is one of my prompts from this initiative and I am so grateful for the idea. 
> 
> For more information about me, you can check out my carrd [here](https://animmortalist.carrd.co/).
> 
> Find the playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/28TNGNgV2A3cBR8gFVFbTC?si=TNXDtkMKS8iS9Cy4ECkzfw). 
> 
> *Chapter title is from '8' by billie eilish* 
> 
> Sending love and good thoughts to you all 💜

Clarke interacted with a lot of insufferable people throughout her life, as both the daughter of Abby Griffin and then as the acting head of Griffin’s Laboratories, but none of them seemed to compare to Bellamy Blake. 

She figured that he’d be a non-issue, given that their first meeting went relatively well, but then they’d fought. Much worse than she had with an employee in a long time. It wasn’t the fight that bothered her most. Rather, it was _what_ they’d fought about. Over Clarke not being a good boss, about her not caring about her people. That crossed a line for her. Since then, the two had been consistently bickering during any interaction they unfortunately were forced to have—still, she hadn’t fired him. Though her mom assured her she would respect that move if she decided to make it. She wasn’t completely sure _why_ , but she knew he was good at his job. He cared more than anyone else who’d ever held the position before, that was for sure. 

She supposed there were worse people she had to work with, but that didn’t make any of it easier. 

They argued over _everything_. Whether it was the pay for the security team or their resources or safety precautions and plans for an emergency. Which she all thought she had planned out with painstaking detail. Bellamy didn’t agree. 

Usually, the fights happened to be in earshot of someone working in the labs. It earned their dynamic a reputation she’d prefer be kept quiet, but she just couldn’t help herself from going toe-to-toe with him. Which made her so embarrassed with the unprofessionalism of it all that she could die. Mostly, it was in front of Jasper and Monty. Not because they were in meetings together, but rather, the two had a habit of turning up at her office at the exact wrong time. Plus, they were major eavesdroppers. She wanted to tell them to maybe let up on it, but that would probably just give her and Bellamy something else to fight about. 

It couldn’t keep going as it was, she knew that. It was going to create more complications in her work than she already had, and she didn’t think she could deal with one more thing. So, she decided to offer an olive branch. Try to repair the damage that’d been done. Maybe her and Bellamy would never fully get along, but hopefully, they could find a way to work together. 

“Thanks for meeting with me,” she said as a greeting when Bellamy arrived at her office.

“Well, it is sort of both of our jobs,” he replied.

She stiffened a little, already gearing up for another argument. Pushing past it, she chewed on her lip, unsure of how to start. 

“This isn’t about work,” she clarified.

He frowned, and she forced herself to continue, no matter how much it might’ve been hurting her pride to do it, “Well, I suppose it is.” She swallowed. “What I wanted to say is that I want to discuss our...Working relationship.”

He nodded. “I suppose that’s fair.” He gestured for her to keep going when she didn’t say anything after a moment. 

Before she could stop herself, she rushed out, “I don’t like being at odds with one of my coworkers. Especially the ones who are good at their jobs.” 

She knew that he was surprised by the compliment. Probably because it wasn’t something that occurred often in the time he’d known Clarke. She sort of shocked herself with it as well. 

She paused before going on, “But, look, we don’t need to braid each other’s hair or watch romcoms together, but I need to stop the constant fighting. It isn’t good for the company or either one of us.”

“Agreed,” he responded.

For which she was thankful for, that this wouldn’t be something she’d have to force on him. She didn’t know why he didn’t fight her on this, when he had on practically everything else. As much as she wanted time to think about why that was, he didn’t give her the time with what he said next. 

“How about we get a drink and talk things through?” he asked. 

She frowned. “You want to actually spend time with me? Willingly?”

He smiled, just a bit, and she felt herself relax despite her best instincts. Clarke didn’t want to so easily give in to his charms, but even she knew it was difficult to resist. Not that she thought it was going to change anything between them. 

“I just figured it might be easier to discuss how we’re going to _not_ tear each other’s throats out over a drink.” Bellamy shook his head and added, “I’m sorry if I crossed a line.”

He did sound sincere, even though Clarke wondered what his intentions were, and wanted to find out, badly. She realized she needed to make a decision. Without thinking too much about the repercussions, she agreed to Bellamy’s request.

“I suppose one drink couldn’t hurt,” she said. “But I appreciate your consideration.” 

She thought about her next words carefully, wary of starting an argument, knowing that even the smallest of comments could set the two of them off. It felt like treading water, talking to Bellamy. 

“Are you sure about getting a drink with me though? Won’t that amount of time in my presence turn you to stone or something?” She regretted going for the joke, but there was no backing out of it now.

To her surprise, Bellamy relaxed and even laughed a bit. “I think I’ll manage to survive. I’ll be sure to never make direct eye contact.”

Clarke fired back without thinking, “Actually, Medusa actually wasn’t all that bad. It’s only within popular culture that she’s taken on an ‘evil’ persona.”

She knew a minimal amount about Greek and Roman mythology, but this she did feel confident about.

Bellamy looked surprised for a moment before he responded, “I know.”

“Oh,” Clarke said. “Well. Good, then.” She cleared her throat. “You can pick the place. You already have my number, so just let me know when works for you.” She gestured to the small mountain of paperwork on her desk. “I would chat more about the sexist treatment of Medusa in the media, but I’ve got a whole mess concerning patents to deal with.”

Bellamy nodded. “Sounds good.” As he headed toward the door, he looked at the paperwork for a second before meeting her eye. “And good luck with all of that.” 

“Thanks,” she replied and rolled her eyes a bit, allowing herself to smile. 

He gave her an easy smile, and she vaguely thought it looked a lot nicer on his face than his usual scowl, and then he left. 

It took another week and a half for them both to find time to get drinks. Clarke had meetings and then Bellamy dealt with a scheduling issue. She found their interactions were easier since their talk. Still not great, and they did get into one bad fight. This time, thankfully, it was in the privacy of her office. He argued that she needed to redistribute the medical security team over to the tech side. She wanted to keep things as they were. Eventually, though, she gave in after looking at the allocation of resources through the labs. She didn’t like that he was right, but she wasn’t about to risk her company and workers' safety for her pride. 

She arrived at the bar Bellamy had picked out, running five minutes late so when she walked in, he waved from a booth in the back. 

“Sorry,” she said. “The sitter had some kind of teenage emergency and almost couldn’t make it.”

He waved her off. “No problem. Everything okay, though?”

She didn’t know why his concern surprised her. Maybe because the beginning of their relationship had been so messy. She’d convinced herself that he didn’t want to understand her. That he wasn’t someone she could trust. Clarke started to think maybe she’d been wrong about that. Even wrong about him entirely. 

She still lied about Madi though. Not ready to give up that part of her life just yet. Clarke hardly spoke about Lexa and her death that nearly wrecked her. Her mom thought she needed to talk about it more, and she knew she had a point, but couldn’t make herself actually do it. Instead, it was easier to focus on Madi’s struggles that stemmed from losing her parents two years before Clarke began fostering her. 

“She’s fine,” she said. “Just normal twelve-year-old stuff.” She shrugged and then thankfully the waitress came over and they ordered. 

She swallowed and took a long sip from her cider, trying to decide the best course of action. In the end, she took a gamble that Bellamy was more willing to share his personal life than she was. 

“I realized I really don’t know anything about you, other than the fact that you’re security and have an impressive resumé.” She tacked on at the end, “Of course, I understand if you don’t want to share but I figured you did ask to do this and…”

She didn’t have to find a way to continue though, because he replied, “Please. I don’t mind. What do you want to know?”

She thought about it for a moment. “Well, you’ve met Madi. What about your family? Kids? Spouse?” 

He huffed out a laugh. “No kids, and no one in my life in that department. Not for a while.” He paused before he said, “I have a sister though. Octavia.”

“Pretty name,” she told him. “Let me guess, she’s fiery, wants to take risks and dive headfirst into life?”

He raised his brows and grinned. “How’d you know?”

She returned his smile. “Lucky guess.” When he gave her a look at that, she went on, “I don’t know, I sensed something about you. Plus, Madi’s the same way.” She didn’t think before she added, “I think I recognized something similar from myself in you.”

Great. She probably sounded like an overly-involved observer now. 

Bellamy didn’t take it that way though. At least, he didn’t appear all that bothered. If it was anyone else, she would’ve thought they were saving face with their boss. But he had never been intent on that since the moment they met. If he didn’t tell her that she was being a creep for thinking they had anything in common, then he must think she wasn’t. It reassured her, only slightly, but then more once he spoke. 

“Well, I guess I am a little surprised by that, but...” He grinned. “There are worse things, after all.”

“Oh, really?” Clarke asked, teasing despite the fact that she didn’t know if her and Bellamy were at that level of comfort yet. “Like what? Being hung over a pit of lava? Dropped into a pool full of sharks?”

Despite herself, she found it easy to talk to him now that they weren’t fighting. As if under different circumstances they would’ve been something like friends. Bellamy laughed at her comment, and she wondered if there wasn’t hope for them yet. 

“Okay, well, in order of preference it goes sharks, having something in common with you, then lava,” he said. 

There was a look in his eye that contradicted his words though, and it threw her a little. Clarke didn’t know what to make of Bellamy. One moment, it seemed as if they wanted to tear out each other’s throats. The next, she suspected he was flirting with her. It was jarring, but she was shocked to find that she didn’t mind it. More than that, she _liked_ it, encouraged it, even. 

Clarke laughed and replied, “Well as long as I at least get silver, then I suppose I’ll allow it.”

“Of course,” he told her. “Would never think of giving you any less.”

She grinned and went on, with a satisfied smirk, “Good. Because if you did, then I think I’d have to definitely fight you about it, and we promised each other we’d quit that.”

He shook his head but still laughed at that, which she took as a win. The rest of the night went well. Dare she say it, it was _fun_. She never imagined that she’d have good times over drinks with Bellamy, but found it didn’t repel her the way she thought it would. It was a lot like the realization that they might’ve been flirting, just a hint of it, though. She told herself they would remain professional from here on out. Now that they seemed to be able to hold a conversation without getting in one another’s faces, she figured this wouldn’t be a problem. 

Of course, professionalism never really was her and Bellamy’s thing.

* * *

Clarke hardly believed it, but something was happening between her and Bellamy, something real. 

It took her a long while to catch onto it, long enough that she suspected Bellamy was already well-acquainted with the concept. Over the course of the few months he’d worked at the company, they’d somehow grown close. Almost like friends. It started simple enough, just a drink every so often. Or late night pizza when Madi was around and they both had to work late. By themselves, they were harmless endeavors. But Madi asked her if Bellamy and her were dating, and Clarke nearly dropped her coffee cup. 

In fact, her exact words were, “So, are you and Bellamy, like, a thing now? Because if you are, you should just tell me. I won’t freak out.”

After that, they had a long talk about Clarke and dating and how she most definitely was not a thing with Bellamy. As soon as the thought entered her mind though, she realized she wouldn’t completely hate it. Being a thing. With Bellamy. 

It alarmed her, firstly. Then, it made her realize something that she probably should’ve weeks ago. Against her better judgment, she might’ve enjoyed his company and weird texts and incessant facts about ancient cultures. And, well, she certainly knew she wasn’t above thinking he was hot. That was a fact though, one she knew she’d been aware of since they met. The more she considered all of this, the more it seemed to add up into one conclusion she didn’t if she was ready to accept. 

Did she _like_ Bellamy?

It was impossible, and yet, didn’t upset her the way she figured it would. Instead, it felt vaguely like she’d known this for a while, and the rest of her brain was just catching up now. She wondered what other shit she was keeping from herself. Knowing her coping mechanisms and way in which she didn’t want to even think about Lexa these days, probably a lot. 

She decided to confront him about it, and maybe do something about it. Except this was much easier decided than actually done. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked over lunch (turkey clubs for the both of them—he swore by the ones from a nearby diner and she found he was right to, they were delicious). 

“Like what?” she repeated, feigning innocence.

Even though she was pretty sure that she’d been analyzing him like he was a particularly difficult set of data she was meant to interpret. When she thought about it, she supposed he sort of was like that. Before, she’d been sure they hated each other. Now she was debating the various pros and many cons of asking him about whatever was developing between them. 

He set his sandwich down and looked at her. “You can tell me.” He cracked a smile. “You know, I figured there wasn’t anything we couldn’t say to one another.” He cleared his throat and added, “If that’s professional enough for you, of course.”

She rolled her eyes, the teasing now familiar and not nearly as rage-inducing as she previously thought it was, and swiped a fry from his plate. He didn’t even protest, used to her doing so at this point. If only he knew she was actually buying herself time, trying to cobble together a satisfying answer. 

“It’s nothing,” she said.

Which, of course, he didn’t believe for a second. 

He gave her a look that said as much, so she went on, waving a hand and trying to act casual, but then the words died in her throat. No, she had to think of something. 

She shook her head and tried to keep her tone light as she went for a (probably) ill-timed joke, “Can you believe Madi asked me if we were a thing?” She forced out a laugh and couldn’t meet his eye. “Which is...Ridiculous. _Obviously_.”

Clarke knew her voice had gone all pitchy on the last word and hated herself for it, but there was no taking it back. She swallowed and then made herself look up from her water and back at Bellamy. Before she did, she tried to prepare herself for ruining whatever relationship they’d managed to build. Maybe he’d report her for workplace harassment. She probably deserved it, throwing that out there like it was nothing. Or maybe even worse, for wanting to actually make a move but being far, far too afraid to do it. 

And _god help her_ , he was staring at her as if she’d clucked like a chicken or done the cha-cha-slide in front of the whole company. Great. She tried to go for casual, and funny, and this is what it got her. 

“You don’t have to—” she started to say, but he cut her off.

“Good to know it’s _that_ ridiculous.”

She couldn’t read his expression and she thought that he might’ve been insulted. Amazing. She’d gone and hurt someone she’d started to think of as a friend, and she didn’t have many of those. Clarke should’ve expected this to go terribly. If only she’d been able to have any kind of self-control or upheld reservations when it came to him. Instead, she’d made that gap between them come right back into place. She truly deserved some kind of recognition for her ability to mess with her relationships. 

“Bellamy—” 

Again, he stopped her, but not with words this time. To her absolute horror, he _laughed_. For a second, Clarke didn’t know what she was meant to do or say or how to react. He seemed absolutely delighted by her relative discomfort and inability to communicate. It annoyed her, honestly, but she hated that she also found it slightly endearing, and even liked how it forced her to release some of the tension she’d been so intent on holding in. 

“I’m sorry,” he got out. “Really, I am. I didn’t mean to…” He snorted. “Sorry, truly.”

She huffed out, “No, you’re not.”

If she wasn’t so desperate to find out exactly why this was so funny to him, she would’ve been a lot less forgiving of the laughing. At least, she told herself that. She wanted to attempt to have some kind of self-preservation when it came to Bellamy. 

“Okay,” he allowed. “I’m not really sorry.” He licked his lips and gestured to her. “But you should’ve seen the look on your face, I mean, I’ve seen you be pissed at me plenty of times but I think this was the first time I managed to make you nervous. It was sort of awe-inspiring.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and stuck out her chin. “If you wanted to see me pissed at you again, all you had to do was ask,” she fired back.

He shook his head, all relaxed, because both of them were aware that she wasn’t going to get angry with him. Not yet, at least. He probably could interpret her feelings and intentions with ease, that she wasn’t going to go on a tear until he answered the question she never got around to asking. It didn’t matter since he managed to figure it out anyway. If he wasn’t so goddamn charming and genuine with her, she would’ve been on edge at his ability to read her. 

“I don’t think you will be.” He grinned. “Though I guess that depends on how the date goes.”

She chewed on her lip and thought for a moment before saying, as nonchalant as possible, “I don’t know what date you’re referring to.”

He pouted a little, and it was her turn to laugh. She couldn’t get over the look on his face. It was criminal. If they really did become a thing, she was going to be a pile of mush, she could sense it now. 

She pointed a finger at him. “Hey, technically, no date has been asked or referred to until now.” She looked away with a shrug. “All I did was casually drop in the fact that my kid thinks we were dating. Not that we _should_.”

He laid a hand over his chest. “How quickly you dismiss my ability to woe you.”

Clarke smiled despite herself and she knew he picked up on it immediately. “Maybe I’m not dismissing it, but rather waiting, patiently, I might add, for you to kick it off. Officially.” She added, at the last minute, tone light and teasing, “Though, of course, that would be ridiculous.”

“Obviously,” he replied, his smile reaching his eyes in a way that seemed vastly unfair to everyone who was on the receiving end of it.

She hated how she kind of melted at it. Like she couldn’t even help it. Maybe, she thought, Bellamy just had that effect. 

“But if I were to, using your words, ‘kick it off,’ would you say ‘yes’?”

She did inexplicably love the hint of nerves in his voice. It reassured her that she wasn’t the only one slightly losing her mind that this was happening. It felt wrong, but the more she considered it, the more she realized it might’ve been there the whole time. Even during the fighting. 

“Maybe,” she responded, trying to hide the youthful giddiness she didn’t know she had left in her after losing Lexa. 

“Only maybe?” He shook his head and tilted it to the side slightly. “Come on, I think I deserve a bit more credit than that. Don’t you?”

The look in Bellamy’s eyes was more than only a little sinful and she felt a flush creep up her neck. God. He was going to be insufferable with her the whole time. She didn’t know if she’d make it out with her dignity intact. 

Clarke couldn’t stop herself from looking forward to it.

“Fine, fine,” she allowed, giving in, perhaps more than she thought was good for her. “I _guess_ that you have a point, and do deserve a fraction more of credit.” She bit her lip. “So, if you asked me out, then I would say ‘yes’.” She raised a brow. “Satisfied enough to actually get on with it?”

He scoffed, but asked her, probably in spite of everything that told the two of them this was going to be a disaster, “Would you, Clarke, like to go out with me, Bellamy, on a date-like event?”  
  


She laughed and nodded. “If you insist.”

He threw his napkin at her.

* * *

Dating Bellamy was something that took everyone some getting used to. In the interest of both their careers and maintaining accountability, she filled out the proper forms with HR and had him do the same. Not right away, but once they’d been on eight dates (including one where he came and cooked dinner for her and Madi) they knew they weren’t just a ‘thing’ anymore. Rather, they were something. More than anything she’d had since Lexa died.

It was the night that she told him about it that really cemented her care for him, and the inkling of hope that she had for their relationship. 

“It was a rare blood disease,” she explained one night at his place. 

Madi was with Abby for the night. Her and Bellamy were having wine and Clarke wondered if that night was the one where they’d actually sleep together. Throughout their new relationship, they hadn’t yet had sex, and she was starting to get worried. He never said it, but she sensed he was holding back. She wanted to let Bellamy in though, and needed him to know she trusted him. So, she decided to recount the tragedy of her and her fiancé. 

“We never really had time to figure out a treatment plan or a possible cure.” 

She swallowed and looked into his eyes, which were soft and comforting, all there so she would feel okay telling him this. 

“It was quick though, she didn’t suffer. For that, I’m grateful...As much as I wish…” She took a moment to collect herself. “She was my first great love, my tragic love, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be who I was before that.” Tentatively, she took Bellamy’s hand in her own. “But you make me want to try, as corny as that sounds.”

He grasped her hand and said, “You’re so strong for getting through that, you know that, right?” When she didn’t answer, he went on, “I know I never knew Lexa, but she sounds like the kind of person who’d want you to be happy. Like you said: actually live.” He swallowed. “I know you have Madi, but...I want you to try for us, too, if you do.”

Then he added, joking, alleviating some of the pain of the moment, “And I won’t tell anyone about the corniness if you won’t.”

She brushed her tears away with her free hand and nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

After that night, while they still didn’t sleep together, she breathed easier around him, and he seemed more careful. But never pitying or smothering. Just aware that he needed to be patient with her. She didn’t know if she deserved it, but she was grateful for it, and accepted it without too much of a fight. 

Nearly three months into dating, Clarke realized that she was falling for Bellamy. It didn’t come as the surprise she expected. Nor did she freak out. It felt like breathing, falling in love with him. With Finn, and then Lexa, it’d all been such a rush, a blur of racing through her feelings. Things with Bellamy went slow, mostly because she was still healing and he confessed he’d never really done something serious before. But it felt like gliding along a lake or curling up together around a fire pit. It felt easy, simple. Exactly what she needed. 

She invited Bellamy over for take-out and a movie since Madi was sleeping over at a friend’s house, with the tease that maybe finally they’d have the opportunity to get some. While the no-sleeping together part used to worry her, now she knew it would happen when it was meant to. No need to rush it. Of course, that didn’t mean she didn’t think about jumping him. Like, a lot. 

They were actually getting somewhere on the couch to her living room when her phone rang. 

“Don’t answer it,” Bellamy grumbled. 

“Sorry, could be work,” she said and moved herself only slightly, so that she was still pretty much tangled around Bellamy’s waist. When she saw it was Monty, she moved to get up.

Bellamy groaned and cursed. Clarke started laughing and patted him on the chest.

“It’s Monty, be right back,” she said. 

He then cursed Monty’s name and shot a, “you better!” at her as she walked away. 

Clarke, still mid-laugh, took the call from Monty in the kitchen, shutting the door behind her. 

“Hey Monty,” she greeted, a smile still on her face.

“Clarke.” 

His tone told her everything she needed to know before he elaborated. Monty was hardly ever serious with her, but when he was, she knew it meant something bad happened. The last time she heard him like this, it was when he’d gotten the call that Lexa was in the ICU.

“What happened?” There was little hesitation in her voice. If her mom or Madi were hurt, she needed to know right away. 

Bellamy had told her when they’d first started dating that all there was to accepting pain was, ‘confronting it, and getting through’. She hoped his advice wouldn’t fail her now. Though that didn’t stop her mind from whirling with the possibilities. 

“There’s been a security breach,” he said.

Clarke looked at the kitchen door and then asked, “What do you mean?” Then she shook her head, thinking better of it. “Bellamy’s here, I’ll get him, he should know too.”

Monty muttered a ‘fuck’ under his breath. “Wait, don’t get him.”

She lowered her voice. “Why? Monty, what’s going on?”

Monty took a breath and replied, “It’s Bellamy.”

Though she knew, in some part of her mind, what he was saying, she couldn’t believe it. 

“What’s Bellamy?” she repeated, not wanting to believe what she knew was already true. 

“The security breach, it’s him.” Then Monty began to ramble and it took everything in Clarke to focus on his words. “Look, I went into his records when something pinged. I thought it was nothing. But the more I dug...It’s a cover, his identity. He’s been sharing information with some people who work somewhere called Mt. Weather. I’ve never heard of it but...It seems like an agency that steals tech, medical research, and security details. Then they sell that information to the highest bidder. Clarke…I’m sorry. But it’s true.”

She took a breath, surprised at her ability to do it. Then another. Then one more.

“Thank you for telling me,” she said. “I’ll deal with it.”

“Clarke, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he protested. “Bellamy could do anything to you, he could—”

But she’d already hung up. 

Steeling her spine, she walked back out of the kitchen and into the living room. Bellamy looked up and smiled at her. It didn’t comfort her or make her melt or anything else she normally associated with his smiles. Instead, it made her want to be sick. 

“What did Monty want?” he asked. 

She crossed her arms over her chest and didn’t answer. It took a moment, but he figured it out. It was almost satisfying, the horror on his face. What she almost thought was anguish. But she knew better now. Bellamy was a goddamn spy. He didn’t care about her, he didn’t care about Madi. Probably the only person he cared about was himself. 

Clarke was ashamed of herself for falling for it, but what burned hotter was her hatred for him.

“You know.” He nodded to himself, not needing her answer.

Screw that, she was going to give him one anyway. 

“Yes,” she replied. “I know you’re a fucking liar.” She jutted out her chin. “And you’re going to damn well explain everything you know to me. Right now. Or I won’t hesitate to sick my mother and her team of lawyers on your ass.”

“Clarke—”

“Save it,” she seethed, unable to allow for the way he pleaded with her to impact her, scared of what would happen if she did. “Start explaining. Now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ❤︎
> 
> Find me on tumblr (@animmortalist)


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